


First Date

by blueplutoberry



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Secret Relationship, Seulrene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25361377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueplutoberry/pseuds/blueplutoberry
Summary: Irene invites Seulgi on their first date, and things start to get complicated.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	1. First Date

**Author's Note:**

> Short, unbetad drabble, which I wrote in one day out of boredom.  
> Hope you'll enjoy it ! !
> 
> STREAM RV IRENE & SEULGI MONSTER!

“I invite you on a coffee date”, says Irene entering the room. Seulgi is sitting on a couch, reading a magazine, not for real though. For real she is only looking at the models and their dresses and jewellery and beautiful make-up, and faces. There is not much text in these kind of magazines after all. She looks up at the girl.

“A date?”

“Yes, a date. I’ve realized that we haven’t been on a real date for... ever.” she smiles. It is that kind of sneaky smile that Seulgi still can’t really read perfectly. It always means something else. Either the girl is reminiscing about something weird, or is planning something weird to do in the future. Or it could mean something completely different. No one beside Joohyun knows it. "It’s time to change it."

“But didn’t you say that you’re not ready to come out yet? I mean, what if someone see us?”

“I wouldn’t care about it that much. We'll be careful of course, but on the other hand... People are dumb, they see two girls in the coffee shop and they assume that they have an amazing friendship and nothing more. As if the fact that girl can be with another girl in a romantic relationship is something that exists only in movies. And movies are fiction so it mustn’t be true, or so they think.”

“Uhm.. Yeah, I guess you're right.”

“Then it’s official. When do you have time?” she asks. She’s standing in the front door, leaning on the frame, looking languidly at the girl with that sneaky smile on her face and serious, but warm eyes. She looks beautifully, thinks Seulgi. Just like the models in the magazines… no, so much better. She looks real, and Seulgi still couldn’t believe that they are together. That this girl, who is standing not so far away from her, and who looks so commonly, like a girl next door, and in the same time so extraordinary, like an angel sent from heaven, like an unearthly creature who was created only to make mere people fall in love with them and then crush their hearts and destroy they souls. Like they were described in mythical stories in antiquity. The creature so beautiful that it’s hard to believe that she’s real. But she is, and she is Seulgi’s and Seulgi is hers.

“Uhm… I am free till the end of the week,” she says after a while, breaking the train of thoughts. When she thinks about something it always lead to another thought, and another, and then another, and she ends up reminiscing for hours about things that are so trivial. Starting from what to eat on breakfast and ending on the opera’s librettos made up in the age of enlightenment, or wondering which actor won the Grammy in 2016. Yes, in 2016 because it’s when she first met Park Bogum who is an actor, and they drunk coffee together, waiting for Joohyun who was getting changed after the Music Bank, and they talked about pets and Seulgi told him that she wanted to have a cat, and she is thinking what cats eat, especially those small ones, and that she would need to have more time in the morning to make her cats breakfast, and she’s always so busy in the morning, because she thinks about what to eat. And because of these trains of thoughts she barely has time for anything. “Then I’m not sure but I’m gonna start this new reality show, so it will be hard to find a time that will fit both of us.” she added after a while.

“Okay, so I'll check my schedule for this week and will tell you asap. Now I gotta go, I have this photo session all day.” Irene encounters her and gives her a quick peck on the lips. "I love you."

“Love you too.” Answers Seulgi, and she does, she does love her very much.

They meet on friday evening, right after Irene’s interview for a magazine. She comes a bit late, Seulgi’s been waiting for her, but it’s not been long, few minutes is nothing compares to how long they waited to have their first day altogether. They’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now, exactly 2 years and 4 months as Seulgi counts, but she’s not really good in counting and the exact date is uncertain. They are counting it from the day they announced it to the rest of the group, and since then it was official. But they had been in this weird kind of relationship even before that. And it lasted for some time, so no one really knows when it started to get serious, not even them.

“Hi,” says Irene quietly, sitting down in front of the Seulgi. The table is small and round, glass vase on, with one, red rose inside it. The cafe they chose is comfy and small, there is not many people there which is good. Normally, at this time young people are going at the party and older ones are resting in houses after the long week. Not many people drink coffee that late either, and those who drink, don't actually stay in the cafe to drink it. This is good, very good thinks Seulgi and if she said it out loud Irene would probably agree with her. But she doesn’t need to say it out loud because they perfectly understand each other without words. They could probably communicate with each other without words all the time, but Irene’s voice is so beautiful that Seulgi wants to hear it, and vice versa.

Seulgi asks about her day. They love small-talks, talking about nothing special, just about their day, about what they ate, with whom they talked, about interesting things that happened or didn't happen. There’s always something interesting though, little action or conversation that held too many unimportant information, and sometimes too important, that makes them think about it for days. There are gossips that are supposed to be secrets, but aren’t. They always talk about them, because they have no secrets between them. And after the gossips turn out to be real - confirmed by the company and by people involved - they also talk about them. They laugh at how unbelievable they seemed to be at first and that they would have never assumed them to be true. But world consists of absurd things. They are also scared when they are talking about them, because they fear that their secrets may also end up like that. It's this bittersweet feeling where everything seems to be fine, but on the other hand is not. They are scared of what will happen when someone finally discover that they are more than just friends. They are certain that sooner or later they will have scandals, because maybe people are dumb, but they are not blind, and they talk, even about those most absurd things that at the end turn out to be real.

They talk and talk for so long that they don’t notice that it’s almost 10pm. It’s not late, no it isn’t. But they have schedule tomorrow, and they need to be prepared, they need to be well-rested. With no dark bags under the eyes, with hair perfectly comb and with make-up that seems natural but for real takes at least hour to do it.

“I’m glad that we finally were able to meet.” says Irene, looking directly in Seulgi’s eyes. They are sitting way too close to each other, but there are almost no one there, so they don’t care. For once in their lives, since they became the idols, since they sold their freedom to company, for fame and for their dreams to come true - which is not bad, because that’s what they wanted and they were perfectly aware of what it would mean to be an idol. But for the first time they don’t care what will people see and what will they think and what will they do if they assume if they are in relationship, because Irene’s face is so close to Seulgi’s that they cheeks almost touch, and they lips are only few centimetres apart. Their eyes smiles and they look so in love with each other. Like young high-schoolers who discover what love means. Because they are like high-schoolers, and this is their first love.

Seulgi doesn’t say anything. She only nods slightly to show that she agrees with the girl. She thinks exactly the same thing. She’s happy, she’s scared, she’s in love. There’s so many emotions going on in her head that she doesn’t know what to think. She doesn’t think. She can’t. Irene is so close that the only thing she wants is to kiss her. She’s anxious as if this was their first kiss. Of course it isn’t. They’ve kissed myriad of times. But it was only in their room, in the dorm, when no one was able to see. Apart from the rest of the group of course. Obviously they try not to flaunt their relationship. They hate when couples do that. When they are kissing in front of other people too much like they don’t care about the others. The couples that are so in love with each other - or maybe just in love with kissing and touching each other - that it becomes untasty and unappealing. Obviously, sometimes they forget about a whole other world as well - the flaw of being in love - and they kiss too much, especially when they think no one else is in the dorm. There was a situation when Yeri walked in on them making out, but it happened once. They never kissed in front of other people though, or in the public where other people can easily see them. But in that moment they don’t care. Seulgi leans on closer and they lips touch, and Irene deepens the kiss, because that’s what she secretly wanted to do as well, but she was too scared, and she’s glad that Seulgi made the first step.

After a while they stop. They are still close but they are not kissing. They’re just looking into each other’s eyes and they are so happy. So happy like they never were. They feel free, feel like on top of the world where they can do everything and where there is no one who can stop them. They did something that they were not supposed to and they feel so proud of it. Irene touches Seulgi’s cheek. It’s warm and blushy - her both cheeks are, and it makes her look so innocent, so lovely, that Irene wants to kiss her again, and again. But she knows she can’t. Not here. The cafe will soon be closed and the manager will approach them to announce that he’s extremely sorry but they need to leave, because they are closing. Because world hasn’t stopped - although they felt like it has for a little while. They need to go home because another kiss will mean even more freedom, and just more kisses, which wouldn't be a problem. It is something they both want, but not here. Not now. It is Seulgi who leans on her chair, increasing the space between them. She smiles and Irene smiles back.

“I think we need to go.” says Irene. She stands up and takes their bags from the third chair. She reaches her hand out to Seulgi. Hold my hand, and let’s go, she thinks and Seulgi reads it perfectly as if she could read Irene’s mind like a psychic. She does as she was told to. With their hands linked she stands up as well and again they are close. Almost as if they were hugging, but they’re not. They are just close - shoulder to shoulder - like very good friends, someone may assume.

“Thank you for today.” says Seulgi when they exit the cafe. They are many people on the street, too many, so they whisper for no one to hear them. Irene smiles at her, but to be true she’s never stopped. Her smile is constantly on her face, sometimes it’s just bigger, sometimes more vibrant. She rarely smiles when she’s in public. One may thinks that she’s a serious person, shy and closed. And maybe partially she is. But with Seulgi... with Seulgi she feels that her true colors - the ones she hides deep inside of her for no one to reach them, for no one to hurt her - they can freely be expressed, without judgement and without unnecessary comments. With Seulgi she feels like she can be herself. “I love you.” adds Seulgi gripping stronger onto other girl’s hand. She can’t kiss or hug her in the public, so this is the only way she can show her that she is beside her, that she will always be.

“I love you too.” she answers. And no more words are needed.


	2. Second Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their second date is way less stressful than their first one. But Irene and Seulgi are still famous. They need to be more cautious, but being around each other, they completely forget about the whole other world. And unfortunately things start to getting a bit out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back. I had an idea for the continuation when I was writing the first chapter, but didn't know if I'd ever write it or not. And here I am. I did, and I'm quite proud because of that. There's going to be one more chapter, but unfortunately I don't know when yet. A new academic year starts soon, so I'll be having less time for writing, so no promises. But I'll try to write it as quickly as possible.
> 
> If your classes have started already, I wish you good luck ! Having online classes is stressful so I hope you're doing okay and you're taking care of yourselves ♥
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy !

Irene looked beautiful, and when she entered the cafe everyone looked at her. Along with Seulgi, who was sitting by the table in the corner. The smallest, unobtrusive table that went almost unnoticed for Irene at first. But she looked around and quickly saw the other girl and approached her. They were supposed to not catch any attention, but they are famous. No matter how much they would try, it would never work out. There will always be someone to recognize them. And to be honest they don’t care. It is too late anyway.

“Hi.” says Irene quietly. Just like she did on their first date. “I’m late again, sorry for that.” She looks at the girl with an apologetic smile, but Seulgi only waves her head and answers quietly _that’s okay,_ and it makes Irene a bit less anxious. She hates being late, especially that it’s only their second date, and she’s late again. It’s just that their schedules are really random. They can barely find time when all of them are free at the same time, and Irene hates it. But Seulgi understands. She always understands and she’s not angry.

Irene takes off her coat and sits down. The tea and biscuits are already on the table, and Irene is grateful for that. She hasn’t eaten anything since morning, and it's already afternoon. She’s been starving and she isn’t sure if she would be able to wait any longer. She takes one and tries it.

“It’s delicious.” she says after a while and Seulgi smiles at her.

“I knew you’d like that.” That's why she chose that cafe. Last time it was Irene who invited her on a date, and who chose the cafe, and who paid for everything. And this time Seulgi wanted to do all of that for her girlfriend, and she’s glad that she chose well. This time the date was different though. This time they met in the afternoon and there were a lot of people around them. They were looking at them suspiciously, especially in the beginning when Seulgi was sitting alone, definitely waiting for someone. There were some girls at the other end of the cafe, with their phones prepared just to take photos of her “boyfriend” who would come, just to make a scandal. Because everyone loves scandals, and they would catch every possibility of creating them. Mainly for money, because it’s obvious that the tabloids would pay a lot for such photos. So when Irene entered, they were a little disappointed. But only at first, because it was Irene after all. So it’s still better than a family member, or someone completely unknown. So they took some photos of them and lost interest. Thankfully.

This time the girls are also less stressed out than they were before. On the first date they were scared that someone may find them out, and assume that they are dating, and they didn’t really know how to behave. This time however, they are really relaxed. They know that no one will assume anything, because they are just two group members enjoying the tea and biscuits together. Nothing more. They just need to be more cautious about hugging and kissing each other.

The thing with kissing also has changed a bit since their last date. Since they kissed in public and no one noticed they’ve started to think less about that. They’ve started thinking less about the whole skinship altogether, and many times Wendy or Joy had to remind them to keep the distance, for no one to notice. The truth was that they were feeling so much more relaxed. They were feeling as if they finally gained freedom and that they finally are able to do whatever they want to. They finally felt brave enough to show their relationship. Even though they couldn’t. But this sole feeling was enough to make them relaxed and so, so happy.

They talk about their day and about every little thing that may be interesting for the other. It’s nothing special, as always. But yet it’s special because they are together, and that’s all that matters. Seulgi ordered another plate of biscuits and another pot of tea, and like a blink of an eye it is almost evening. The sky turns pink and orange and the city looks so beautiful. The orange sun is shining right at them. And Irene looks at Seulgi and she can’t believe how lucky she is to have this girl in her life. And to be able to call her her girlfriend. She smiles and leans on closer giving her a quick peck on the cheek. Seulgi, as if someone bitten her, leans away and touches the place where the girl kissed her. Her eyes opened widely and her heart beat so fast. She looks around and she gets nervous, because there are so many people around them.

“Don’t worry, no one noticed.” Irene whispers and giggles. And as Seulgi looks around she sees that everyone is preoccupied with something else - the phone, the magazine, or the person they are with. And it really looks like no one noticed. Seulgi sighs with relief.

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m still a bit oversensitive about that.” she adds and Irene shakes her head not agreeing with her.

“Don’t apologize, it’s completely understandable.” She puts one leg on another, rests her elbow on her knee, and head on her palm. And she’s looking at the girl. She’s calm and she smiles. So beautifully. “I’ve just forgotten myself a bit. I shouldn’t have kissed you in front of everyone, no matter if they pay attention to us or not.”

“Let’s make a pact to not apologize for that, hm?” asks Seulgi after a while, because it’s not right to apologize for kissing the lover, or to apologize for being kissed. No matter how cautious they are supposed to be, they should not feel sorry about doing something like that. Something so natural. Something that is supposed to be something natural, not bad. “If that happens, it just happens. The apology won’t make a change anyway,” she adds and Irene agrees. She doesn’t like how uncomfortable it makes them sometimes. And it isn't supposed to make them uncomfortable. 

Once Seulgi kissed her in their changing room in between the recordings, because there was no one inside apart from them and Yeri, who wasn’t even paying attention to them, so they felt safe. But right in that moment someone entered, because of course the door wasn’t locked. And it was like a scene in a film, in which Irene held onto Seulgi’s hair a bit too much, because she was too into the kiss and Seulgi seeing the door being open impulsively pushed her away. Irene fell on the floor and while still holding onto Seulgi’s hair, pulled her along with her. They ended up on the floor together, and the person who entered was only Joy. She stood in the doorway, and only a few seconds later the make-up unnies and their manager showed up behind her, and they all saw both of them lying on the floor in the weird position. Seulgi on top of Irene. And Irene with her face almost as red as Joy’s “Red Favour” hair.

It was Yeri who came out with the sudden explanation about how Irene was kneeling on the floor and looking something in her bag, and Seulgi not noticing her, tripped over her. Fortunately, everyone believed her and didn’t ask further questions, but now they owed Yeri one. And Seulgi was apologizing for that one kiss, definitely too much than it was needed. And she shouldn't have because it was both their fault. It’s not like it’s only one person who kisses, they both do. If someone notices anything it will be their common fault.

“That’s why since now, we’re not feeling sorry for kissing, deal?” asks Seulgi and Irene agrees.

“Deal.”

***

The loud bangs onto the door wakes Seulgi up. It is weird because normally she is the first one to get up, sometimes even before her alarm rings. And then she either wakes the rest up, or goes running, or drives to the studio to start the practise before everyone else does, because she loves dancing when the sun is not up yet and the practise room is empty. So it is weird that someone else wakes her up first. She looks at the phone and it’s only 5:12 am and it’s way too early for anyone to be up. That means that something must have happened.

She quickly puts on a hoodie and opens the door to her room. It’s Sooyoung who is standing in the corridor, looking anxious and holding strong onto her phone. And she looks as if she wants to show her something but instead she just opens her mouth and says.

“Unnie…” and she doesn’t know how to continue. She takes Seulgi’s hand and leads her to the living room where Irene already sits on the couch. She looks as anxious as the other girl and it makes Seulgi stressed even more. There are also their managers, one of them fiercely talking on the phone with someone.

Irene, noticing Seulgi, gets up quickly and hugs the younger girl. Her arms embrace Seulgi’s and she reciprocates the hug. Feeling the warmth of another girl makes her relax a bit, because she knows she's safe with her. But she still doesn't know what is going on.

“They know.” Irene says suddenly and Seulgi takes a breath and doesn't let it out. And if she wasn’t completely awake before, after hearing that, she definitely is. And so many thoughts appear in her head. And so many questions. _How? What now? What is the company going to do?_ And she doesn’t know which one to ask first. And right when she’s about to open her mouth one of their managers ends the call and approaches them.

“I’ve just finished talking to the president Kim,” he starts and shows to the couch, ordering all of them to sit down. Sooyoung excuses herself and saying that she didn’t really feel like she’s supposed to listen to it, she exits the room. The man continues. “He said that apparently Dispatch has photos of you two kissing and that they’re going to upload them.”

“So people don’t know yet?” asks Seulgi looking around. Just a minute ago she was sure that everyone already knows about her relationship with Irene, but apparently they don’t. So they’re safe. They still can do something about it.

“There are only the rumours about a relationship between two girls from one of the girl groups from the Big 3. No one knows the details but Red Velvet and Irene’s name have been trending since then, so they have some assumptions.” Seulgi looks down at her hands that are holding tight onto Irene’s. That’s exactly what they were scared of. And they knew that sooner or later it would come out. They should have been more cautious. They shouldn’t have kissed in that cafe a few weeks ago. Hell, they shouldn’t have gone on that date whatsoever.

“What can we do?” asks Irene. Another manager starts to walk up and down the room, thinking hard about something.

“First of all, I want to know if it’s true?” he asks, looking at them and at their hands. Simply from the body language the answer was obvious, so it took them by surprise. Only then they realize that they don't know about them. The managers don’t know. They completely forgot about that because they were so calm about the whole situation. And Seulgi thinks that maybe the reason for it was that they assumed that it must be just a stupid rumour and nothing serious. After all, kissing between girls can be purely platonic. Friends can kiss as well, can’t they?

But now it’s not the time for denying. They need to know. At least that’s what Seulgi thinks and she’s sure that Irene thinks exactly the same. She looks at the other girl and then at the managers who are waiting for their response.

They nod. And as they are waiting for the response, for an outburst and shouts, they can’t notice any changes in the men’s faces. They stay calm, which on one hand is surprising and on the other not really. They’ve always been calm about everything. After all they need to be able to keep a stiff upper lip, especially in stressful situations. And in the kpop industry such occur almost every day.

“Okay. Thank you for being honest with us.” says one of them. It’s the older manager, Kim Jooseok, the one who has been with them since their debut. He was always making them smile when they had hard time at the beginning, when they were not used to long few hours practises yet, and were stressed out by too many cameras that were recording them, and he was the one who was always sneaking in with the jjajangmyeon to the practise room at night, when they were too exhausted to make it down to the cafeteria. And now he is sitting in the armchair, leg on the leg and head rested in his hands. He looks tired, as if he hasn’t slept all night, and maybe he hasn’t. Seulgi reminds herself that it is 5:30 or so, the rumour must have spread out at night, or maybe in the late evening the day before. Right after the date she was so exhausted that she just took a quick shower and went straight to sleep. And she slept so peacefully, not knowing what was going on. And realizing that she feels sorry for the man who was probably on the phone for the whole night trying to do something about this rumour.

“So, what are we gonna do?” she asks, looking around. “Since they have our photos they’ll upload them anyway, won't they?”

“That is your decision now.” says the other man Jung Minhyuk, he was standing near the window, looking down at the rest with his arms crossed and the eyebrows frown, creating a big wrinkle between them. Both girls look at him surprisingly.

“What do you mean by that?” asks Irene. She doesn’t understand and neither does Seulgi. There is no decision to make. Whatever they'll decide to say, there are photos. There are proofs and they are going to be leaked to the internet, if they haven’t been already.

“I mean, we didn’t see those photos, but I guess that whatever you’re doing on them they’re not in the best quality. We can say that you’re just close friends, because you are. And that these photos are not proof of any relationship because girls can kiss each other, can’t they?” he says as if repeating everything that Seulgi was thinking before. And she wanted to agree, but he continues. “But you’ve just admitted that you’re together. So if you want to admit to these rumours, it’s your decision.” and after that no one says anything for a while. It is a long silence and all of them are thinking about the pros and cons of confirming or denying the rumours. Can they really admit to dating? Would it be okay? Won’t it destroy their career for good? They’ve just started to gain recognition and they’ve just become popular on a global scale. The scandal can destroy all of it. Or it can just speed their career up. After all in the United States homosexuality is nothing weird. What more, it’s completely acceptable to the point that people simply don’t care about that. 

Oh how Seulgi wishes to live in America just to experience this freedom of being with whoever she loves no matter the gender. To be able to kiss Irene on the streets, to hold her hands in public and not being scared of getting cursed by a random person. But she’s not in America, she’s in South Korea, and here the situation looks completely different. Also, confirming the rumour is not something that they can do without thinking of the other, of the rest of the group, because it will affect them as well. They know that admitting to something like that will affect a lot of people.

“But whatever you want, we need to do it quickly.” says Kim Jooseok getting up. “It’s better if we make the first move and not Dispatch. That way the fans will be a bit more understanding, I guess.” he puts on his coat and gets ready to leave. “You have time till noon. It’s better to make the statement personally so uploading it on social media would be fine. But first send that to us, we need to approve it.” he adds and leaves. Jung Minhyuk stays for a while. It takes him longer to button up the coat and put on the cap, and it seems like he is waiting for the other to leave first.

“Whatever you decide to do, I hope you are and will be happy together.” he says and smiles. Irene smiles back and Seulgi is too stressed out to react quickly enough. But he knows that she’s taken his advice to heart. And he leaves quickly leaving them alone in the living room.

***

It’s after 10 am and they are sitting in the living room. All five of them. Because Seulgi thinks that it’s their common decision after all. Because it’s something that will directly affect the whole group. So, they all are stressed and anxious, and they don’t know what to do. What would be the best thing to do in that situation?

Seulgi has her hoodie on, as if trying to hide from the whole world as much as it’s possible. Thinking that maybe if she hides for a long time it will all disappear. The rumours will magically disappear and she wouldn’t have to care about them at all. And it’s not like she’s ashamed of being with Irene- she’d never be - she’s just extremely scared about the people’s reaction, and about the hate they’ll receive. The rest of girls are sitting on the couch and armchairs, and she’s sitting on the carpet, back leaned on the coffee table, and she’s holding a cup of coffee because that’s the only thing that she’s able to consume and that is able to keep her awake, because not knowing why she’s extremely tired. As if she was running for the whole night. Running away from something. From someone.

“I’m okay with telling the truth.” says Irene suddenly and all of them look at her. Irene is looking at Seulgi because she doesn’t know what the other girl thinks. But, whatever she wants, Irene will be okay with that.

“I don’t know,” she answers and takes a deep breath. “I’d love to finally tell everyone that, if it'd mean no more hiding…” she looks around and looks at each of their faces. They are scared, because they don’t know what will come. No matter what they tell, if they admit or deny, the scandal will follow them for the rest of their life, because what’s once in the internet, stays there forever. And Dispatch will upload the photos no matter what they say. And they can tell that they are only friends, but they are kissing there, and god knows what kind of kiss is that. Is that a peck on the cheek from the last date, or maybe a lip kiss from their first, or maybe some completely different kiss that they didn't even realize someone saw. And she doubts that everyone would believe that close friends are kissing each other on lips. Deep lip kiss with hands interlocked or on each other's nape and cheeks, with caressing and touching. The way they act with each other is far from close, platonic friendship. “But we don’t know what it’d bring.”

It is Seungwan who shakes her head with disagreement. “Don’t think about what will happen. As long as we’re in this together, we’ll be able to face whatever will come.” she smiles and Yeri and Sooyoung nod collectively as if trying to show that they think exactly the same. “The only thing is what you want. If you want to be true to the fans and don’t want to hide anymore, just tell the truth. If not, just deny it and we’ll see what will happen.” she adds and tears appear in Seulgi’s eyes. She’s so grateful for having such understanding friends. That’s way more than she could have ever wished for. And then she looks at Irene who is smiling at her warmly. Now it’s only Seulgi’s decision.

And she reciprocates the smile and nods. “Thank you.” she says at first. And that's directed to each and every one of them. To Seungwan, Yerim and Sooyoung who have always been protecting and supporting them from the first day they knew about them. Who have always been helping them with hiding and sometimes even hide them themselves when they were too obvious around strangers. It’s all thanks to them that their secret was safe for so long, because normally the scandal would be out way sooner. And Seulgi is thankful that around them they could always act naturally. They could kiss without the disgusted gazes or curses. Because Seulgi once experienced how some old ahjussi seeing her and her ex-girlfriend back in the high school approached them and started to tell them how disgusting and unnatural freaks they are. And it broke her heart, especially when the girl decided to break out with her because of that. Because of “being scared of such people”, and Seulgi understood her completely, but she was hurt anyway. And she wasn’t sure if she would be able to experience this again. So she’s grateful that she doesn’t have to.

And she’s grateful to Irene, to Bae Joohyun, her sunshine without which she wouldn’t be able to learn what true love is. She wouldn’t be able to endure the hard practises and exhausting recordings, especially when someone says that _oh, she’s the boring one_ , or _come on, say something more_ , because she’s normally the quiet one. And Joohyun is always by her side, encouraging her and telling her that it’s not true. That her jokes are the funniest ones. And even if that’s not true, she’s grateful, because it’s Irene’s words that really matter. Nothing else matters.

She’s thankful that all of them are in this together, because the other girls could have easily ignored that. _Your scandal, your problem_ , as she heard had happened in other groups. And Irene could have done something, not caring about what Seulgi thinks whatsoever, to protect her own arse. Because some idols react exactly like that when the dating scandal’s photos leak out - they deny, or tell that it’s not true, or that they’ve already broken up, because the career is more important than the relationship with another person. And Seulgi is thankful that she doesn’t have to worry about that. That they are in this together.

“Okay. Let’s do this.” she says after a while. “Let’s tell the truth.”

***

Seulgi is sitting on her bed, in front of her lies a piece of paper and a few colourful pens. They decided that writing a letter would be the best option. It will be visible that it was written by them and no one else. And they will explain everything there. How long it’s been going on for - 2 and half years, a little too long to announce it only now, but it’s better sooner than later, right? And what they feel toward each other and that they are going to stay in Red Velvet no matter what, and that they hope that fans will understand that and will support them, or if they don’t want to, then they can stop supporting them. Girls realized that many fans may leave. Not everyone is so acceptable and may have problems with the same-sex relationship. And they completely understand that. Actually, they don’t, but they’re not going to stop anyone from doing what they want to. As long as they won’t harass them because of that. Then it’s okay.

The letter isn’t long. But it is concise, with the most important information, and both Irene’s and Seulgi’s signatures. It’s got approved by their managers, so now the only thing left was to upload it. And it is also, unfortunately, the most scary thing to do.

“Are you really sure?” asks Irene. They decided to upload the same photo on their instagrams at the same time. Everything is ready. Just one click's left. Seulgi takes a breath and nods.

“Yes. I believe in our fans and I believe that they’ll stay with us no matter what.” she looks up at Irene. The other girl is looking at her with concern. And when their gazes meet she smiles.

“You know it’s gonna change everything in our lives?” and she knows Seulgi knows. How couldn’t she? But she wants to be sure. Hundreds percent sure that everything they’ll do will be conscious, and with mutual consent. Seulgi nods again.

“I know.” and she waits for an answer, that she doesn’t receive. “But whatever will happen, I’m prepared for that.”

“Are you really?” and Irene doesn’t try to dissuade her from doing that, but she wants to be sure, because once they decide to take a risk and take a step in that specific direction, there's no more hiding, no more carefree dates when being surrounded by people - not that they were doing it so often anyway. But they'll need to be even more cautious, because people will know why they're meeting - and they may not like that. Antis and homophobes will know what they're doing, and they may insult them publicly. Everyone will know, and who knows how being in the bad light can end up for them. And once they take the step, there’s no coming back. There’s no turning back time, no denying anymore. 

“We’re in this together, right? So whatever happens, we’ll be facing it together, won’t we?” and this time it was Irene who nodded. “So let’s do this.” and saying this she clicks the button to upload the image. And Irene immediately follows her. And only _finishing up_ can be seen on their screens. Now the only thing they can do is to wait for the reaction.


	3. Third Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That time between coming out and waiting for people's response is the most stressful. All kind of thoughts are bottling up in your head and you're not sure what's going to happen next. But Seulgi is with Irene forever and ever, and whatever happens, nothing's going to change that. It doesn't mean that Seulgi is not anxious like hell for the whole day, too scared to read the comments under the articles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's been a while. Actually it's been so long since I last updated this fic, but here I am. I finally finished!!
> 
> I have nothing more to say actually, but I am just happy how it turned out and I hope you enjoy it!! Pls, tell me what you think?

Next day Seulgi wakes up earlier than normally, but doesn’t have the energy to get up. Or rather she doesn’t want to get up at all, too anxious to see the reactions, too anxious to hear from the members that now everyone hates her, that she ruined her career, that she needs to leave the group now, because fans created a petition to get her out of Red Velvet, to not destroy other members’ image, that - oh god - Irene breaks up with her, because career is, after all, the most important. She curses herself for those thoughts, because deep down she knows that most of them are absurd, that most of this is impossible, because just yesterday everyone assured her that they’d be together no matter what. She can’t stop herself from thinking so, though.

She leaves her phone unplugged on her bedside table - battery dead since yesterday’s night, because she doesn’t have any schedule today, anyway, and she doesn’t feel like using it at all. She needs to relax, maybe watch some funny movie, maybe eat something unhealthy and then go to dance for a few hours. She quickly gets rid of the last one because no matter how much she wanted to dance, it equals leaving the dorm and driving a good 20 minutes to the studio, and it is something she doesn’t feel like doing. Thankfully, there’s a lot of things to do in the dorm.

She puts on a hoodie - Irene’s hoodie that she took one day and forgot to return, and it still smells a bit like the other girl, so Seulgi felt not only comfy but also safe in it. Irene’s familiar perfumes make her relax, and it feels as if she’s right next to Seulgi. And it immediately makes her feel so much better.

The dorm’s quiet. It’s kinda rare, because there’s always someone - at least always when Seulgi is there, so is some other member. But it’s not really weird. After all Seulgi is a grown up woman, who doesn’t need to have people around all the time. But just this time, she doesn’t really want to be alone. She could call Irene, or at least send her a message, asking how’s she doing, but it would mean to turn her phone on and that would immediately - as she assumes - lead to thousands of notices of other people, probably a few malicious sasaeng’s massages, parents’ worried voice messages, and then she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from entering instagram and naver articles about everything. And she doesn’t want that. Not now at least. She promises herself to wait for Irene to turn back home and only then she would ask her about everything. She would lie down in an older girl’s embrace, both of them under the thick blanket, far away from the whole world, whispering sweet nothings to each other and promising that hate comments mean nothing, that they still love each other, forever and ever.

Right now, being alone she is sure she would end up in tears, no matter the fans response.

She ended up back in her bed, with a bowl of fruit and laptop with some drama that Yerim recommended to her some time ago. And she stayed like that until Wendy didn’t turn back, hesitantly entering her room and asking if everything’s okay. Seulgi nods, not taking her eyes off the screen.

“Irene called you, but you have your phone turned off?” she asks, sitting down on the bed, next to Seulgi. After asking quietly if she can snuggle next to her - pointing at the girl’s bed, and receiving a nod, she covers herself with the duvet and they are lying like that for a while, watching the drama that Seulgi hasn’t stopped even for a minute.

“It’s died.” Seulgi announces when the episode ends. She closes the laptop and only then looks at the other girl. “And I haven’t time to plug it in.” she then adds. It’s a lie and Wendy can clearly catch it up, she doesn’t comment on this, though.

“How are you feeling?” Wendy asks instead, and she smiles. They sit so close to each other and it’s the kind of warmth feeling that Seulgi missed in the morning. It was the warmth of another person asking if she’s okay, or not asking anything even, that she was missing when she woke up a few hours ago. And now, since Wendy is next to her, and Seulgi doesn’t feel so lonely and anxious anymore, she’s actually okay. She doesn’t really feel that stressed about the whole coming out to the whole world thing, anymore.

“I’m fine.” she answers. Wendy nods. Seulgi feels like she doesn’t really believe her, but she can’t do anything about that. She probably radiates a bunch of negative and stressful emotions, that are felt from miles away. She once read that stress can be turned into electricity. She doesn’t know how true that is, but if it was, she’d probably light like a freaking lighthouse during the storm at that moment.

“Want to go out to eat something?” Wendy asks, changing the topic. Seulgi shakes her head.

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“Then, how about ordering something?” and Seulgi unwillingly agrees. She isn’t really hungry, but it’s a good thing to waste the time, doing something else besides watching dramas all day, that after all is kinda exhausting. So they order a bunch of different side dishes, and move to the biggest room.

On one hand Seulgi wants to ask Wendy if the people talk. If their coming out made a big fuss in the whole country and if other people ask, or rather harass, other members because of that. On the other, she’s scared to know the answers. Also, Wendy may not even know much, because she rarely read the articles, and more specifically comments under them. After the hate she received in 2015 she just decided to ignore them whatsoever, and Seulgi is not even surprised by that. She herself rarely reads them as well, as they are mostly written by some random people who are not even fans and don’t know them at all. People just write hateful comments to build up their lacking ego, she heard once from the mental health counselor who she’s been visiting in the beginning of 2018. And after that she realized that there’s no sense in reading them whatsoever. Especially now, when she can communicate with her fans - her real fans - through her instagram and bubble.

But today she feels different. Today she’s curious what people that are not her fans, and that are not interested in her and don’t know her, are thinking about her coming out. She wants to know what the public thinks about it, even though she assumes they don’t really accept it. They can’t because being gay in South Korea is not something people accept. But she still can’t stop herself from being curious about that. Her trail of thoughts has been distrubed by the doorbell, and she gets up weirdly quick, and shouts to Wendy that she’ll get it.

As they were eating they decided to watch another episode of the drama. They were 20 minutes into, when they heard a door opening and in a minute Irene was standing in the main entrance, looking at them from the hallway. She smiles at both of them, but more at Seulgi, at which the younger girl feels the butterfly in her stomach and a heat spreading all over her cheeks. She hasn’t felt this for a long time. She used to feel this affection and this weird feeling in her stomach at the beginning of their relationship. When she realized that Joohyun was smiling at her, and when she saw how the girl was looking at her, when she thought that Seulgi didn’t see it. And she felt the butterflies every time she held her hand, even though it was a simple skinship in front of fans. She knew that it wasn’t just that.

And she was blushing at the beginning when Irene was calling her ‘her girlfriend’ and other pet names she had never heard from any of her previous partners, and when she was kissing her a ‘good mornings’ and ‘goodnights’. But she stopped feeling that when it started to become a daily thing. It was still special, but she got used to that, so she wasn’t reacting to that so much, like at the beginning.

And today, for some reason she reacts like this again. Smiling awkwardly and blushing at the simple smile directing at her. Maybe because for the whole day she was scared, because of the whole situation she was feeling uneasy and sad, and the fact that Irene wasn’t beside her was making her feel all these emotions even more. Normally she wouldn’t care, normally she would go to the studio to dance her worries away, but today she just wanted to stay in bed and cuddle with Joohyun all day. And seeing the other girl’s smile, she realizes that she finally can do this.

“Hi,” Irene says to both of them, entering the room. She sits down on the sofa next to Seulgi and puts her arm around Seulgi’s waist. Normally she would give her a kiss, but Seulgi’s mouth is full of the pasta she's currently eating, so Irene decides to leave it for later. “How are you?” She doesn’t direct it at Seulgi, as if asking both of them about their day, but Seulgi knows that she asked especially her. She quickly reminds herself about her dead phone in her room, and thinks about the amount of messages and unanswered phone calls she’s going to have, once she turns it on.

“I’m fine,” she answers, and as she does it, she leans on closer to Joohyun. The other girl humms. 

“Your phone’s dead, Wendy told me.” Irene says calmly, and Seulgi’s known her long enough to hear the concern in her voice. “If you were feeling alright, you wouldn’t have it turned off.” she added. Irene’s also known Seulgi long enough to know when something is wrong, and when it isn’t. And no matter how much the younger girl wanted to hide it, she wasn't able to.

Seulgi leans on even closer to Irene and her head is lying on the older girl’s shoulder and they are basically hugging, listening to each other’s heartbeats. Food long forgotten on the table, muted drama in the background and Wendy nowhere to be seen - she left the room at some point, but they haven’t noticed that.

“I was just stressed.” says Seulgi, breaking the long silence between them. Irene puts her chin on top of her head and starts to caress her back, slowly and delicately, as if trying to calm her down.

“Why?”

“Because…” she doesn’t really know why. It’s all these anxious thoughts she talked about with Irene just yesterday. It’s the feeling of loneliness, because she was alone at the dorm for just a few hours - now realizing it, she feels stupid. It’s the feeling of uncertainty because she still, after 24 hours doesn’t know the reaction of people. She tells it to Joohyun.

“You didn’t read anything?” she asks surprised, as if not expecting that. Seulgi shakes her head. Irene thought that Seulgi was sad because she’s read some hateful comments - because such always exist, even if all of them stayed in dorm for a whole month and did nothing at all, there would still be someone who write a hate comment about them being lazy, or stupid, or unseuccessful. So, she’s predicted that Seulgi must’ve read something like that and it was what had destroyed her mood. She hadn't expected that the other girl didn’t read any, and it was something that was making her anxious. It doesn’t really make sense. “Why?”

“Because I was scared.” she answers, her voice tiny and she sounds as she’s about to cry. “I was scared of what people say. That we’re freaks, that we ruined everything, that they don’t want us to be in the group anymore.” she starts to count down the things that have been running through her mind the whole day. “I know, we talked about this yesterday…”

“Babe, you should’ve called me.” Irene says quickly, lifting Seulgi’s head a bit, so they are looking at each other. Seulgi’s uncertain and worrisome face and Irene’s warm smile. “I would tell you everything…”

“I wanted to check it out by myself, but with you.”

“I can tell you everything. And by that I mean every comment that matters. From our co-workers, people you know, our fans…” Irene takes a deep breath. “Actually I'm kinda glad you didn’t read them. You’d focus only on the bad ones.”

“So there are bad ones.”

“Yes. There are, and you know it perfectly.” Seulgi does, she couldn’t even act surprised.

“But are there more negative or more positive?” And Irene doesn’t answer for a long time. As if thinking what to say, or what to do. It makes Seulgi even more anxious - the feeling from the morning's coming back.

“How about a walk?” she says after a while, releasing herself from Seulgi’s embrance. Seulgi is confused. She’s wanted an answer, not a random proposition for a walk at night. It was almost night, she realizes, looking at the clock’s reflection in the window. But she trusts her girlfriend, she would jump into a fire after her, if there was such a need. So without further questions she agrees.

They are walking along the Han river. It's late evening, so many people are still around, mainly teenagers and students, who coming back from schools and lectures, stop in the park to eat late snacks with their friends. There is a person jogging or riding the bike passing them by from time to time, but apart from that the surrounding is not really crowded. It is good because Seulgi would freak out even more, being seen with Irene in public after the news.

Irene bought a bowl of tteokbokki - Seulgi had asked if that’s okay if she waited for her somewhere far away from the truck, because she didn’t want to be seen together with her and  _ honey, don’t take this personally _ , and  _ you know which ones I like _ . And Irene didn’t even have a will to argue with her about that.

They sit down on the grass, looking at the Han river spread in front of them. The streetlamps are hardly lightening the footpath, but it creates a kind of mysterious atmosphere. And thanks to the lack of the light they wouldn’t be recognized by a random stranger passing by. It’s a win-win situation. Seulgi is grateful that Irene suggested it after all.

“Babe, you know that you can talk to me about everything.” Irene suddenly says between one bite and another. Seulgi stops eating and looks at her surprised. She nods.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Then why didn’t you call me today. I can’t even describe how worried I was all morning when your phone was off.” They were sitting so close to each other, a bucket of tteokbokki in between their legs. Irene puts down her chopsticks and takes Seulgi’s hand in her, caressing the inner side of her palm with her thumb. “I don’t even know how many times I called you, until I started to ask others about you, and thanks god Wendy’s schedule ended pretty early, and she told me that you’re okay, because I don’t know what I’d do otherwise.” Seulgi looks down on their locked hands.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, babe. I don’t want you to be sorry.”

“I didn’t want to worry you. You had this important shooting today and I would only distract you.”

“Hey, Kang Seulgi, look at me,” Irene says so softly that Seulgi was grateful that it was dark and the other girl can’t see how red her face became. She loves when Irene calls her pet names, but for some reason when she uses her full name - which is not often, it’s almost never, because who call each other by full names - it makes her feel so special, and she likes it so much. Seulgi looks up and she sees Irene’s beautiful smile and pretty eyes that are looking at her with so much affection and so much love. “Never hesitate to call me whenever you feel down, okay? Never even think about worrying me, because I’m the most worried when I don’t know what is going on with you, when you’re not next to me. I prefer to read hundreds of sad messages from you, than not reading anything. And yeah, work is important, but you are more. You are the most important person in my life, and it’s you that I’ll be worrying about the most. You understand?” Seulgi does, and she nods.

“I’m sorry.” she repeats.

“No, baby, stop saying sorry.” Irene whines and hugs her. They are so close. Seulgi’s head in Irene’s neck crook and her arms tightly around the older girl’s waist, and Irene is hugging Seulgi tightly around her shoulder. “Let’s just move on, hm? Let’s forget about today and let’s just move on. Everything’s okay. Everything is perfectly great.”

“What about the public?”

“What about them?”

“I still don’t know what was the reaction to our coming out.” they were whispering as if someone may hear them, but there is no one around and they are in their own little world, with no one beside them two.

“I’ll read them to you.” Irene takes out her phone from the bag, and not changing their positions starts to shuffling through it. Seulgi knows that she's going to read only the good ones, and deep down she's grateful for that. “The first one I received was actually from Lee Sooman-saem,” she announces after a while and Seulgi becomes tense. She doesn’t expect him to react, he normally stays away from any couple scandals. It’s always someone from the PR Team who plays as a medium between the artists and reporters. It’s not like he has a time for caring about every romance that’s going on under the company, there are a lot of them after all, and very often they are chaotic and end up even before anyone notices. “He adds us to a new conversation, which was kinda awkward at first,” Irene chuckles, “but said that he’s really proud of us, for doing such a brave thing. He wrote that he wishes us only happiness in the future, and that it’s going to be hard from now on, because of the Korean society, but he’s sure we can overcome it.” Seulgi smiles, she never expected to hear such warm words from their boss. Not that he’s not like that normally, because he's a really good boss, that very often acts like a supportive uncle, but is also rather indifferent to personal issues of their artists. “He then adds that if we’ll see any hateful or malicious comment, we should send it right to him, and he’ll take care of it personally.”

“It’s really nice of him.” Seulgi mutters.

“Yes it is. I thanked him for both of us.”

“Thank you, really. I’m going to answer him later as well.”

“Okay, next one was from Heechul Oppa, who said that he’s sad that he’d found out about this from the news and not from us directly, which is… understandable,” Seulgi nods. She felt kinda sorry about this at first, when she was thinking about this after posting the letter. There were so many close friends of them that were about to find out the truth through social media, and not directly from them, and she thought about how hurt they would be because of that. “But then he said that he understood that it was a hard decision and it’s not that easy to come out, so he’s not blaming us or anything, and that he’s happy for us.” Seulgi doesn’t answer, waiting for another response, but Irene doesn’t say anything more, looking for something in her phone. “There are hundreds of that type of messages, from basically everyone from the industry,” she continues. “Them saying that they are proud of us and wish us good luck.” 

Seulgi doesn’t know what to say, or how to react. She feels like every worry, every negative thought she had inside of her suddenly disappeared. And she feels so happy, so light.

“There were also a lot of comments from fans, mainly on bubble. There was one from the insta that caught my attention though, listen,” and she hesitates for a while until she starts reading, Seulgi waiting patiently for it.

“Irene unnie and Seulgi unnie, I am so proud of both of you, I personally know how hard it is to come out, this stress that bottle up inside of you, right before saying those words, or in your case clicking the button, and right after, when you're waiting for the response. But I can only assume how hard and stressful it is to come out to the whole word, knowing perfectly that there are going to be people who will throw hateful comments, who will not accept you, who will hate you…. I want to say thank you so much, because right now thousands of queer kpop fans, but more specially sapphics, are going to have a role models that are at some point similar to them. You don’t know how important it is and how happy it makes them feel. How happy it makes me feel, but most importantly I hope it made you feel happy. What I wanted to say is that you shouldn’t care about these haters and antis, because they don’t matter, what matters is that your fans, the real ones, are going to stay by your side no matter what. Also, I personally know this relief after coming out, it’s like you finally can be a real you, no more hiding, no more pretending, and to be honest this is the best feeling in the whole world, and I’m sure you’ll experience it - if you haven’t already - and I’m sure that everything will be fine at the end. Your fans love you. I love you. Be happy and don’t worry about anything. Happiness~” The last word Irene sings just like they always do during their introduction. She still hugs Seulgi and she can feel the other shaking.

“Hey, are you crying?” Irene asks, and she wants to lean away, to look at her and wipe the tears away, but she feels like their current position is still the best. They are close and it makes Seulgi feel safe.

“I’m an emotional wreck right now,” Seulgi murmurs, sniffing. She takes one hand off Irene’s waist to wipe her tears, but after that returns it to the previous position and hides her face in Irene’s neck. “Sorry, I'll wet your hoodie,” she adds quickly. Irene just smiles.

“That’s okay.”

They stay like that for a long while. Not moving, not talking. Seulgi sniffing from time to time, her nose runny due to tears, but she’s okay, she’s better than she ever was. It’s that relief a Luvie wrote about, it’s that feeling that finally they can be themselves - no more hiding, no more pretending - because people already know. There is nothing more they should care about. People know and they are okay with that, at least those who matter are okay. She can finally breathe. She takes a deep breath and it feels like something is different, it’s like the air is fresher, but maybe it’s because it’s night and the air is just so much colder than throughout the day. It doesn’t matter right now.

And they stay like that because right in that moment they feel like they can do everything. They have all the time that there is in the world, because tomorrow they have no schedule so they can spend all day in the dorm, in each other’s embrace, and they can spend the whole night, hugging each other on the grass in front of the Han River and fading street lamps.

“I told you that everything will be okay,” Irene says finally. “We’re okay.” And yes they are. Seulgi knows that. They are more than okay. They are perfect, as if the things that were always standing on the path to their happiness - because there were always some uncertainty, some obstacles they couldn’t just so simply pass - suddenly disappeared. And it’s not the greatest, because there are always going to be some obstacles on their path, there are always going to be something to disturb them from reaching their goals, because that’s how life is. But they overcame the biggest obstacle that had lied on their path for these 2 years and 6 months. And for now it’s all that matters.

“I love you, you know.” Irene asks, kissing the top of Seulgi’s head. And it’s more like a rhetorical question, because she knows perfectly that Seulgi knows that. She's told her that so many times already.

“I love you more.”


End file.
